The Problem With Happy

What if seeking happiness is just another way of making ourselves miserable by not being present?

Yesterday, everything gelled. Things came easily and in a flow that felt almost magical. I said the right things at the right time and connected with the people I saw. Today, it’s like nothing came out right, and everything was off.

Yesterday I felt great. Today I felt like the ground came out from under me.

So it made me think how about how fragile this thing we call happiness is that feels great when it’s present. But when it’s not there, feels like there’s something wrong.

Happiness is a good thing.  But it’s not a constant state.

It doesn’t last.  Can’t last.  And, yet, who hasn’t had the goal at some point (usually when you’re unhappy) of just wanting to be happy?

And then it hit me.  Nothing new.  Nothing earth shattering.  Nothing that wise old traditions haven’t already described.

It’s not about being happy.  It’s about sitting there when the ants crawling on your skin irritate you and you still do what you’ve set out to do.  You still do something that offers you the chance at meaning.

Maybe it really is about living with the feeling of being miserable when you don’t feel like you’re enough, or like you’re too much, or you can’t get it right.

Maybe it’s about living with the fear, worrying what other people are going to think or of what’s going to happen if you ask for what you need.  Maybe it’s about living with the anger or irritability.  Being undervalued.  Overwhelmed.  Imperfect.  Lost.  Invisible.

Or whichever story is yours.

Maybe it’s about living with all of these feelings AND taking a step toward what or who you care about anyway.

So far, I’ve not figured out how to chase those feelings away or make them disappear.  But I’ve tried.  Who in their right mind wants to feel sad, scared, angry, lost?

Today I only took a baby step.  Maybe tomorrow it’ll be a full step.

I meditated for 20 minutes.  Did the world shift on its axis?  No.  But it was a small step even when I didn’t feel like it.

photo credit: Matt Westgate

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Eva Rubin, MPH/LCSW

Hi! I'm Eva Rubin, LCSW. I study the psychology and the art of how to live well as an introvert and sensitive person so that I can learn and share it with you.
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