It's Just Overwhelm. You're Not Broken. | Highly Sensitive Introvert

Overwhelm is one of those things most Highly Sensitive Introverts say is hard. I’m no different.

I am the mother of two boys. I have a husband. And a dog. My life is busy. It’s busier than I want it to be, actually, but I think that is a common feeling for many introverts.

I have a house to take care of, and a yard to mow. In the summer, I have a garden to weed and water. In the winter I have a driveway to shovel. I have meals to prepare, and clean up after, and laundry to wash and fold. I have bathrooms to clean and carpets to vacuum.

But these are just some of the “tasks” to be done.

I also have stories to listen to, and to read. I have to be considerate of others’ feelings. I have advice that’s asked of me and to give. I have scraped knees to wash and hugs that need to be given. I have bike rides to go on, and school events to watch, and homework I have to make sure gets done. And a dog who needs to play.

And there’s more. I also have a day job four days a week at a newspaper. I have social events for myself, too. Friends to have coffee with, walks to go on. Committees to be a part of, exercise to be done. Conversations that need my participation.

This is not a list of complaints, this is life. Overall, I do not wish for it to be different. Some days, I sail through. My energy is there, and it feels natural.

But I will admit, the daily tasks sometimes overwhelm me. The demands pull at me.

As an introvert, I need down time, usually alone, to maintain my energy inside. When I don’t get enough time to recharge, I start feeling like my head is spinning. As a highly sensitive person, once I get burnt out enough to feel like my head is spinning, my emotions take their toll.

I get very sensitive, and hurt very easily. My sensitivity is drastically heightened.

I have learned over the years that my personal needs as an introvert are best maintained if I am careful about balance.

I love the people in my life. I need time with them. It makes a difference in how I feel overall inside myself if I don’t have regular, connective contact with loved ones.

But I need time alone too, regularly. Daily. To pray and meditate. To think. To breathe and listen to the silence. To write out my thoughts.

Usually, this alone time I reserve for myself every day, is enough. It gives me the refill that I need as an introvert, and it helps my highly sensitive nature to maintain calm.

If I am not diligent enough, sometimes the busyness of life creeps into my calm. Suddenly I am no longer caring for the needs I have as a highly sensitive introvert, and the balance shifts.

When the balance shifts, it starts slow. It usually happens at a time of year when routine is interrupted. Summer holidays or Christmas break. The usual routine goes out the window, and there are different demands on me. More demands, usually.

Because the changes are always short term, it is easy for me to tell myself I can “push through”, past my needs as an introvert. In my head, I chastise myself.

It’s the age of the super mom. I see pictures all the time of these other moms who seem to have the energy to pull off organizing amazing activities with their kids. And they have FUN!

So surely, I should be able to get through running kids to swimming lessons and park programs, and a camping vacation during summer break–with no issues, shouldn’t I?

But the problem is I’m not a super mom. I’m just a real mom. Who happens to be just a real person.

The more I tell myself to push through, the more I begin to feel pressured inside. I tell myself I can keep up. I try to ignore the chaos of emotions and stress that are spinning around inside. I neglect the warning bells going off, because it is short term.

The more I push at myself to be like other people, the more I neglect my needs as a highly sensitive introvert.

When that balance shifts too far, and my recharge needs have been neglected for too long, I start to feel like everyone just wants a piece of me. As though I am being pulled at from a thousand different directions. And, as though I am on a treadmill which I desperately want to stop, but I can’t.

I begin to feel ‘broken’ again. “What is wrong with me?” becomes a common thought again. “Why am I not like everyone else?”

But, I am not broken. I am a Highly Sensitive Introvert.

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When I have slowly pushed myself to the point of being overwhelmed by life, I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like I’m grabbing at waves while the tide is coming in. They relentlessly pound at me. They try to pull me under.

Life never slows down on it’s own, just as those waves never stop during the incoming tide. If I am drowning, instead of grabbing at the waves in a flurry of desperate activity, I need to lean back and float.

I’d like to share with you some things that help me manage overwhelm when the waves start to pound at me.

7 Things I Do To Manage Overwhelm:

1. Acknowledge the chaos inside

…and be honest with yourself about it. If you’re floundering and overwhelmed, it’s better to acknowledge it as fact, than to force yourself to try to push through.“Pushing through” is detrimental. Pushing through stops you from adjusting your actions and prioritizing self care.

If you don’t acknowledge the chaos inside, you will still burn out but then will easily go the route of berating yourself.

2. Create a mini-routine

If a lack of regular routine is contributing to your feelings of overwhelm, a mini-routine is helpful in calming those feelings. It could be something small, such as reading for half an hour before bed every night. A mini-routine will still be different than the stability of the “normal” routine.

For those of us who thrive on routine however, it will give you the same feelings of having something solid. It will give you something to be able to expect and depend on as reliable and consistent. It staves off the feelings of chaos.

3. Take extra recharge time

…to care for your introverted needs. When I am overwhelmed, it’s easy for me to get frustrated at those feelings. I get frustrated by feeling overwhelmed because I always feel confused. At first, I wonder why I’m feeling overwhelmed, since I’m usually still maintaining my regular quiet time. I forget to take into account that when life gets hectic, I get drained more quickly. My regular recharge no longer is enough.

Whatever you do to recharge normally, will need an increase – more sleep, more time spent reading, more time in nature, a day away from responsibilities – enough to bring the balance back.

4. Make yourself some mini-goals, and make a list

When I let myself look at the big picture of all the demands and responsibilities I have, there is a huge increase in my feelings of overwhelm. Breaking tasks into smaller chunks makes a huge difference in how I feel mentally, as does having something physical to look at and see my progress.

Make lists of what is expected of you today. List out the tasks and goals, and cross them off as they get done. Don’t worry about tomorrow’s tasks until tomorrow.

5. Pull in, then reach out

As an HSP introvert, when I am overwhelmed my gut instinct is to shut the world out completely. And at times, I do need that. The problem is that sometimes, once I pull in, I want to stay there, and it ends up being bad for my thinking.

I give myself a time limit now. I pull in for a few days or so (the length of time can vary), and at the end of the time limit I force myself to reach out. I will call a loved one, or text a supportive friend, or will make plans to do something OUT, just for me. I never feel like reaching out at the time. Once I do though, the contrast between shutting the world off, and reaching out has the effect of a reset for my frame of mind and my energy level

6. Say no

Simple as that. At some point when overwhelmed, you have to say no. I am a “giver”, so I do know how hard it is. There is always one more task you can agree to do It’s tough to feel like you are letting someone down. You can easily convince yourself that you can squeeze some extra energy out of yourself, or fit one more thing into your schedule.

If you are at the point where you’re trying to figure out how to juggle responsibilities in order to take on another thing, it is time to say no.

7. Be kind to yourself, inside

Internal self care is just as important as external self care. Be kind in your dialogue to yourself. You are overwhelmed, but you are not broken.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are highly sensitive, and an introvert. You are being responsible to yourself as a functioning person by recognizing your needs. There is no need for self criticism simply because your needs are different from the next person.

So be kind to yourself. It’s a decision to be kind, it does not feel natural (check out the 9 Lies That Hurt HSPs). Make the choice to become your greatest encourager. What you say to your own self makes a huge difference.

When life gets overwhelming and going too fast, I have to be the one who makes it slow, within myself. This enables those chaotic feelings to fade.

Fortunately, there are these small adjustments to be made. They are tools that can help bring back a sense of normalcy and balance inside, even if circumstances outside of you are chaotic.

Image Credit: Lauren Hammond

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Leila Elizabeth

Always a lover of words, I began reading them at a young age, and began creating with them shortly thereafter.

A bend in the road led me to embrace my introversion, and to discover my identity as a highly sensitive person. As I have moved along the path in learning more about who I am, how to take care of myself as an introvert, and how to handle the challenges of life as an HSP - my love of writing has been rekindled and embraced once again. It intertwines with the journey I am on, and is reflected in what I write.

It’s Just Overwhelm. You’re Not Broken.