If you’ve ever tried to make a little or a big change in your life, you’ve probably experienced what I affectionately call the Rubberband Effect. A change in diet? Exercise? Self limiting beliefs? Relationship? Just getting up earlier?
You start in on making a change, and if you’re like me, you’ve at least once in your life felt the Thwack! of that rubberband when it smacks you across your pattuti. You might start off with a great deal of enthusiasm, but then, either slowly or suddenly, you revert back to where you started.
I recently completed the altMBA, an amazing 31 day sprint of pushing myself to learn new concepts, dive deeper into ones with which I was already familiar, and challenge myself to publish or “ship” my blog posts three times a week. On deadline.
I dug deep and pushed past my beliefs about what I could accomplish. I didn’t always make the deadline and I learned from it. I had points where I wanted to give up because the emotional labor was hard. But I didn’t give up.
It was absolutely amazing to work with other people who are motivated, smart, passionate, and want to change the world, too. That’s what kept me going. I think I actually described myself at one point as feeling like I was soaring. Not light words for me.
But the last couple of weeks of the course were harder. Last Thursday, the “day after” the end, was more than hard. One lesson that was hammered home for me during the course was self care. Walking. Climbing stairs. Listening to music I love and podcasts I enjoy. Meditating. Eating well. Connecting with friends. I stopped doing those things in pursuit of the deadlines, and this last week I felt like I was just pushing to stay in the game.
The “day after” I woke up with 101 Reasons Why I’m Going To Fail At Everything I Try. You think I’m kidding? The worst part is that I got hooked into and believing those thoughts. That was only Rollercoaster 1 of many since then. I started walking and meditating and things got better. But as I talked with other altMBA’ers, I realized that I was not alone in this Rubberband Effect.
I’ve spent a lot of time and energy on learning to become more sensitive and aware of what’s happening inside of me so that I can make conscious decisions to shift how I move forward in my life.
But this was the first time that I literally heard the litany of criticisms so loud, so clear, and so determined. I know I’m not unique in having these internal critical voices. They are the hallmark of what Steven Pressfield calls Resistance in The War of Art. They seem to be especially strong in creative types who go against the grain and learn to do the work despite the discomfort.
For me, this Resistance is a fear about being visible, fear about being bold in my thoughts and ideas and hopes (and then having to be accountable for taking the steps to make them happen), fear about being wrong or imperfect or [fill in the blank] and criticized. Just fear.
What I realize is that this fear doesn’t go away. It’s not the same as fear that comes with an impending attack. It’s fear that disguises itself as procrastination, as logic, as anger, as criticism. It’s insidious, and it’s persistent. And it keeps me from doing the work that’s so important to me.
This thing I’m experiencing now isn’t unique to me, and it doesn’t make me some inadequate or sniveling wimp. It just makes me someone who has to contend with the fear that comes with being creative and passionate about living a meaningful life.
For me, living a meaningful life means having the incredible opportunity to create with and for other people in ways that connect and inspire us to be the best of who we are. If I listen to Pressfield’s wisdom, the closer I get to living this kind of life, the louder these voices will get. And they’re pretty damn loud!
Even before the course ended, but especially afterward, the Rubberband I’d stretched so hard came up against big fear. It snapped back at me. And hard.
My comfort zone rubberband got stretched a little too far into discomfort. All my brilliant and protective defense mechanisms I’ve spent my life creating threw on the brakes. “What do you think you’re trying to do?” “You really think you could make a a difference in this world?” “You don’t have the discipline to make anything happen.”
Seth Godin calls this the lizard brain. And, really, it’s a reaction we all have when a little part of our brain, called the amygdala, gets triggered because we’re afraid. It can be a real danger, like someone attempting to attack us or an imagined danger, like worrying what will happen if we raise our hand to speak in a room of people. The imagined reality is just as effective at stopping us dead in our tracks to make change. It causes the same physiological impact as a “real” danger.
It’s like all of the defense mechanisms I blew through in hitting “publish” and producing so much beyond what I thought I could do finally caught up to me and hit me over the head with a sledgehammer. As I look back on my own life and as I reflect back on conversations I’ve had with other altMBA’ers since last week, these defense mechanisms come in other forms, less recognizable forms. They mask the criticisms and the fears after stretching so far into discomfort to make growth possible:
- Reacting to situations or people with more sensitivity. Irritability. Or quickness to feel hurt
- Unending thoughts about everything you have to do and what you haven’t done
- A general sense of anxiety
- Worrying about how to carry forward what you’ve learned, and missing the structure of the prompts
- Sleeping a lot. Isolating
- Driving yourself harder and pushing harder, beyond your limits
- Feeling paralyzed or stuck
This is Resistance. This is Fear. It is the Rubberband Effect.
And, it’s part of the process of making change in you and in the world. Whether it’s the altMBA, or it’s any other program that promises to take you beyond your limits to make the change you seek, remember the Rubberband Effect.
When you’re rubberbanding, it’s important to focus on stabilizing habits that allow you to integrate the growth you’ve pushed toward:
- Self care: move your body, eat the best you can, meditate, sleep enough to allow your body to recuperate from the emotional labor. Be gentle with yourself. Journal. In all likelihood, if you’re a creative type, you may be criticizing yourself without knowing it.
- Connection: reach out to talk about your experiences with others who know what you’re going through. The impetus may be talk only about the amazing aspects or the worst or most negative aspects. It’s worthwhile talking about what was hard, not about what was bad. It’s good to know you’re not alone and to laugh at the similarities and appreciate the differences.
- Action focus: Practice focusing on simple actions you can take when you meet with others to move you toward your change. It’s not the time to make sweeping pronouncements. It’s only a time to keep moving forward. One step at a time.
- Other focus: Keep focusing on how you can support the others with whom you talk
Plan for The Rubberband Effect. Recognize it. It’s not you. It’s that little almond shaped amygdala in your brain trying its best to keep you safe. But also unrealized. Unproductive. Unsatisfied. Limited. It’s an opportunity to integrate what you’ve learned so you can move forward and make the big change in the world you desire. Starting with you.
Eva Rubin, MPH/LCSW
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